23 and wiser - Part 2

Now, I have spent a little over a year out of formal education, and in what I consider to be “the real world”. At first this “real world” scared me, as there were suddenly so many lifestyle options available to me. I was suddenly under so much pressure to make all the right choices. Because of the pressure, I was still shying away from exploring new things and, instead, confining myself to the familiar territory of my job, my apartment, my family and my friends. I felt like a safety net was removed from under me the minute I graduated. On many occasions, I would have given anything to crawl back to my college life, where things seemed much simpler. Today, I finally put my finger on why I was feeling this way.

All this while, I had been treating my present as “investments” in my future. This is why I felt the need to “invest” my time wisely in actions that would ultimately lead to a “good future”. At first, I thought I just hadn’t gotten out of the “investment” mindset yet. Maybe that explained my choice of activities. This mindset is actually a valid one, and I have no reason to pull the stops on it. It is good to channel energy into solid ambitions even after starting my first career. However, it would unfortunate if that kind of resolve translated to constraints on which of my dreams I should pursue.

Just when I thought I’d never figure out what it would take to get me to try out things I wanted to do without worrying about whether it would be worth my time or not, I discovered another reason for my hesitance. It wasn’t entirely the notion of “investment”. In fact it was also the notion of “reverse investment” that was stopping me. In my eyes, I had entered a stage of my life in which I’d “invested” all along. Now, I was reluctant to do anything that I had not “invested” in. I felt compelled to live out my earlier investment and only my earlier investment. I didn’t think I deserved to explore any other skills or lifestyles I hadn’t prepared for earlier. So wait – I made sacrifices in my academic career to have this professional career, and now that I have this professional career, I can’t have a life outside my professional career because of those sacrifices? It makes no sense whatsoever, but that’s apparently what I’ve been thinking all along. This mindset, I have absolutely no problems quashing.

Once I get that personal obstacle out of the way, I hope to rekindle old passions and discover new ones. I do not want to live each day just to sustain myself. I want to learn new skills. I want to reach out to people beyond my circle of family and friends.

The “rest of my life” has already started. If I ever want to accomplish my goals and realize my childhood dreams, now is the time. All this while, I had put my life on hold to focus on immediate goals. Now, my goal is no longer to do well in the next exam or to graduate from the next school. My goal is to make my life as full and as exciting as possible. I should start living one day at a time instead of living one semester at a time. I am glad i took the time to figure out what was stopping me.

There are several clichés I could use here, but the bottom line is – This is my life. This is my chance to be who I want to be. I should no longer dream of doing certain things in the future. This is it. This is my future. Whatever I want to do, I need to do now before it is too late.